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When Leaders Become Liars

Thursday, Aug. 23, 2007 1:39 AM

It has come to my attention that America is facing a grave danger.

The enemy is ruthless and calculating, with a hateful ideology. They hate our freedoms and our way of life, and are actively working to destroy them. Led by a charismatic figure with extremist religious views, they seek to dictate how women should live their lives as well as preach war in the name of their god.

They have secret groups designed to subvert public gatherings.

They have infiltrated our government to make it over in their own image.

They are using sophisticated methods of communication deliberately intended to evade surveillance.

They seek weapons of mass destruction to advance their goals.

They are the Bush Administration.

Think about it the next time they trot out the war drums and anti-Islamic rhetoric.

Speaking of which, President Bush trotted out a new one in his speech before the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

Iraq Is Just Like Vietnam.

Sure is. It's ... darn, what was the word? Oh, that's right! A quagmire.

And then he followed up by comparing post-WW2 Japan to um ... yeah, post-2003 Iraq. Gonna sprout democracy and a burgeoning economy any day now. (The sad truth is that Iraqis have an average of two hours electricity per day, a spiraling unemployment rate, and a lower level of services than when we first toppled Saddam.)

At the same time, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki rejects the idea of timetables imposed by the American government. Furthermore, he says he has other friends who will help him rebuild his country. Friends like ... Syria.

The Shiite majority doesn't have enough clout to oust al-Maliki ... yet. However, we're back to bad-mouthing the guy; President Bush says he 'needs to do more' (which is the same song and dance we hear about Gen. Pervez Musharraf), and several senators have suggested al-Maliki needs to step down.

Al-Maliki's likely successor? Not anyone we'd like to see there: Moqtada al-Sadr.

Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell has admitted that certain major telecommunications companies did, in fact, lend a ready helping hand to the Bush Administration's illegal, warrantless wiretap program.

McConnell claims that it takes the Department of Justice over 200 hours to process a FISA warrant for one number. Therefore, it's easier to completely ignore correct procedure and disregard the Constitution in order to catch ... whom?

We haven't turned up any major plots, likely because there aren't any. What we have uncovered continues to be jihadist wannabes who look to trade stereo equipment for guns, or need to ask an undercover FBI agent for military clothing.

All security involves tradeoffs.

As Americans and consumers, we have to ask if we're getting our money's worth.

Personally, I don't think so.

Give me a break. The NAACP is saying the Michael Vick case is a big deal because he's black.

No, you idiots. It's a big deal because the big bad NFL player with the million dollar salary fucking strangled dogs with his bare hands and thinks it's fun.

"We're a social justice organization," the NAACP flack emphasized, asking people to 'keep an open mind' about Vick.

The fact remains that Vick gambled on the outcome of illegal dog fights and exhibited excessive cruelty to animals.

But, okay, I'm willing to be fair. Let's put Vick back on the field, and the moment his team loses, we fucking put a bullet in his brain. No? Too harsh? Unfair? Cruel?

Hey, maybe Don Imus can go on the air and insult Vick, then everyone can play.

Yes, it's true. Pigeons are to blame for the collapse of the Interstate 35 bridge in Minneapollis.

At least partly, according to experts. The buildup of pigeon droppings may have accelerated the development of rust. Added to other deficiencies like missing bolts and cracking steel, and the bridge's collapse was a question of when, not if.

And finally ... ten boats go up in flames at an island in the delta, and the Coast Guard isn't equipped to do anything about it. (Is it possible their boats aren't suited to navigate the Delta? Was the location too far from the Alameda station?)

The Contra Costa Fire Protection District described the island as an, '... unprotected area without services.'

I'm curious, though, since we have something called the mothball fleet � basically a bunch of ships moored next to one another � parked in Suisun Bay. I sure hope someone is equipped to fight a fire there. (Not to mention there are several refineries in the area as well.)

On a side note, a Boot to the Head for the Chronicle. The article about the fire includes the sentence, "Cause of the fire was under investigation."

Could we try to be grammatically correct? "The cause of the fire ..."?

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