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A Cold And Broken Hallelujah ...

Monday, Jun. 29, 2009 3:43 AM

While the rest of the world was mourning the loss of Michael Jackson, Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina went back to work, describing himself as a modern-day King David.

"I have been doing a lot of soul searching on that front. What I find interesting is the story of David, and the way in which he fell mightily, he fell in very very significant ways. But then picked up the pieces and built from there," Sanford told his cabinet.

First, let's go back to the Bible and check the facts. David saw Bathsheba bathing on the roof, had her brought to the palace, and slept with her. When she became pregnant, he tried to get Bathsheba's husband to come home and sleep with her, to cover up things; Uriah refused, so David plotted Uriah's death.

Sanford's point - that David didn't resign from his office - is lost amongst the Biblical story and Sanford's real-life predicament. He was caught in an affair by his wife, told to end it ... and ultimately chose to sneak off to Argentina to spend several days seeking solace and comfort from his mistress. Sanford and/or his staff lied several times about his whereabouts, first suggesting the governor was hiking in the mountains (on Naked Hiking Day); then suggesting he went to South America to drive along the coast.

And then there's the part where David fathered a son off Bathsheba and tried to hide the fact. Is there something you're not telling us, Governor? (Not to mention, David wrote songs praising God, not e-mails praising Bathsheba's ta-tas.)

On a much simpler level, the fact remains that Sanford is not a king, Biblical or otherwise; this is a democracy. As much as he is answerable to his conscience (which seems to have taken off to Argentina long before his body followed), he is also answerable to the people of the state of South Carolina.

South Carolina Senator Lindsay Graham thinks we should cut poor Mark Sanford some slack, and let him work on saving his marriage.


Sanford has been digging his political grave for eight years - the length of his friendship with the woman who would become his mistress. He put himself in a position to be tempted, and - surprise - fell prey to temptation.

The work of reconciliation with his wife and family isn't in Argentina. If Sanford can send an e-mail praising Maria's tits, he can send one to end the affair, expressing his sadness and committment to his family. He didn't. In fact, he took off over the Fathers' Day weekend; there's absolutely no indication of remorse and every indication that his little brain was leading the parade throughout.

It should be noted, of course, that Senator Graham is the godfather of one of Sanford's kids, so he's not exactly an impartial judge.

Pitchman Billy Mays has died at age 50. The cause of death is unknown; he was a passenger on a plane that made a rough landing and is said to have hit his head.

However, his wife's account - that Mays went to bed saying he didn't feel well - is also common for men who suffer heart attacks.

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