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The Race for Cluelessness

Friday, Nov. 02, 2007 3:55 AM


Leading the pack as always is President George W. Bush, who managed in a single statement to come off as a whiny, petulant child and get the facts wrong.

Berating them for their 'failure' to confirm Attorney General nominee Judge Michael Mukasey, Bush accused Congress of paying more attention to 'MoveOn.org bloggers' and 'Code Pink protesters' instead of the important business facing the nation.

Ahem. MoveOn.org doesn't have any bloggers. And, who was it, exactly, that denounced MoveOn's ad criticizing General Petraeus? Oh, that's right: the Republican caucus and a guy named George W. Bush.

Bush then said it was unfair to grill Mukasey over the issue of waterboarding when he 'wasn't briefed into the program' and 'doesn't know what we do,' but affirmed that revealing what we do would only 'aid the enemy.'

Okay, so if the enemy is being trained to resist torture, it's a good bet we're not serving them milk and cookies or whipping out the comfy chair and soft cushions. What needs to be kept secret? That we're doing something more than waterboarding?

The issue at hand, Mr. President, is that Congress is asking Judge Mukasey to affirm that waterboarding qualifies as torture - a point held under international law and even a ruling in a United States court.

Mr. Bush insists that this sets the bar so high for confirmation that no one can meet it.

So, let's get this straight - we can't have an attorney general who will stand firm against torture?


Running neck and neck with Mr. Bush are the media, who continue to use the term 'enhanced interrogation,' as if torture were a perfectly sensible and valid option for America.

Stop treating these thugs - who should be called out for endorsing methods that America has stood against, fought against, and denounced in past wars - like they're simply misguided youths.

Our so-called leaders, in arguing for the privilege to torture, become war criminals of a particularly disgusting stripe, because their actions not only put a tarnish on America's red, white, and blue, but adds the stench of hypocrisy.


And our next runner should get extra points for a healthy dose of stupid.

“Here’s the problem, though. In 1970 or ‘68, Barbara Eden lowered the bar by wearing that sexy outfit, traumatized me as a child, and then every kid wore the Barbara Eden outfit…” said FOX News' Steve Doocy, tracing the 'sexy costume' trend to Ms. Eden's midriff-baring garb.

And, seriously, Steve-O ... if seeing a beautiful woman in a revealing (but relatively tame, considering how strict most networks were about broadcast standards) traumatizes you to the point that four decades later, you're obsessing about that image as the source of a modern evil, you're a sick, sick man.


Not far behind is California's Rep. Duncan Hunter, who threw in this comment about Foreign Service Officers refusing posts in summery, peaceful Indiana Iraq.

"Let's replace these reluctant Nellies with America's finest citizens," Hunter said. "Our wounded warriors will serve our country efficiently, effectively and with undying patriotism."

Yeah, that'll work. Sorry about your getting both legs blown off by an IED, but how'd you like a diplomatic post in Iraq, son?


And racing against himself is President Bush, this time for the lame joke he made about Vice-President Dick Cheney's Halloween costume ... or lack thereof.

Bush explained that he'd asked Cheney what he was going to dress up as for Halloween. Cheney muttered that he was already wearing it.

"And then he said something about the Dark Side of the Force," Bush grinned.

Um, George, when people call Dick 'Darth Vader,' it's not a compliment. And he wouldn't be styling about the Dark Side unless he were an adherent to its evil tenets ('cause Dick sure as hell isn't a Jedi). You know, hate, anger, aggression ...


And as a bit of a side-bet, CBS News is reporting that employees of Kellog, Brown, & Root falsified invoices for 80 fuel shipments (which were paid by the Pentagon) and then re-sold the undelivered fuel on the black market.

That netted KBR employees an approximate $800,000 in kickbacks.

I guess Condoleezza Rice is right - there is a problem with corruption in Iraq.

But it's with American contractors.


My personal favorite has to be the Doocy quote. It remains to be seen if he's outdistanced by Congress doing something like confirming Mukasey next week.

Have a great weekend, and if you live in the U.S. where Daylight Savings Time is observed, don't forget to set your clocks back an hour on Saturday night.



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