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Curious George & The United Nations

Tuesday, Sept. 19, 2006 11:21 AM


Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's … the Peace President!

"My country desires peace. Extremists in your midst spread propaganda claiming that the West is engaged in a war against Islam. This propaganda is false, and its purpose is to confuse you and justify acts of terror. We respect Islam, but we will protect our people from those who pervert Islam to sow death and destruction. Our goal is to help you build a more tolerant and hopeful society that honors people of all faiths and promote the peace."

Yup. We're peaceful folk here in America. That's why we've brought war to two countries and are lining up for a third helping.

And, of course, we respect Islam, but you're clearly backwards and obviously need our help to build a proper society.

One other note. Propaganda, by definition, is false. Unless you're using the archaic version referring to the propagation of the faith, which isn't likely to play terribly well in the Middle East.

"The greatest obstacle to this future is that your rulers have chosen to deny you liberty and to use your nation's resources to fund terrorism, and fuel extremism, and pursue nuclear weapons," Bush said, addressing the people of Iran.

Let's check that scorecard, shall we?

As to denying liberty, we've set a fine example by authorizing warrantless wiretaps and covert searches of property, implementing secret prisons, torture, and expressing a desire for trials with secret evidence.

In regards to funding terrorism, let's not forget it was our assistance that helped establish the mujadhadeen, including a gentleman named Osama bin Laden.

When it comes to fueling extremism, nothing does the job like presidential bravado and slogan-driven foreign policy. Bring it on. Stay the course. (Oh, wait, the phrase du jour is, 'adapt and win.')

And we're leading the way on pursuing nuclear weapons, with neoconservatives arguing that a nuclear deterrent is useless unless actually used, and the ongoing efforts to rename and continue development on the Robust Nuclear Earth Penetrator, or burrowing bunker-buster bomb.

(And how many of our enemies have actually been in bunkers? Osama wasn't in Tora Bora, or survived the MOAB we dropped on it, skipping across the border into Pakistan; Saddam was hiding in someone's basement; and even Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was caught in a residential building.)

Of course, it's unacceptable to think that there's any comparison between extremists of any stripe. That we're on the side of the angels.

Not to mention the new buzzword (second only to 'clarity') for the Bush Administration: extremists. Islamic extremists. Extremists are terrorists, and vice versa. Those horrible, wicked extremists are preventing freedom from taking root in the Middle East.

"Freedom, by its nature, cannot be imposed -- it must be chosen. From Beirut to Baghdad, people are making the choice for freedom. And the nations gathered in this chamber must make a choice, as well: Will we support the moderates and reformers who are working for change across the Middle East -- or will we yield the future to the terrorists and extremists? America has made its choice: We will stand with the moderates and reformers."

Only George W. Bush could reduce freedom to the equivalent of soda pop and deliver an ultimatum at the same time.

What was that about freedom can't be imposed?


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