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Unqualified Success

Friday, Jun. 24, 2011 5:48 AM

First, I should point out that I detest the election antics and general posturing for a campaign that takes place next year. It's like seeing Christmas ads in September.

As to the spate of aspiring presidential sorts, you shouldn't be running for office if:

- In 2009, you were running your mouth about seceding from the union (Rick Perry).

- You QUIT halfway through your term as governor and wouldn't know Paul Revere's Ride from a kiddy attraction at Six Flags Wasilla (Sarah Palin).

- You think being an unemployed millionaire and former governor is the same as being an unemployed worker getting screwed over on benefits (Mitt Romney).

- You think God picked you to run, credit God with aspiring you to run, God chose you, anointed you, or otherwise blessed you with magic sky-daddy dust (Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum).

- You bray about how you won't accept any legislation longer than three pages, then, after you've been ridiculed for this thunderingly stupid idea, try to make it out that you were joking (Herman Cain).

- You want to dismantle most of the United States Government (Ron Paul).

- Despite a full, long-form birth certificate being released, you can't plainly state that Barack Obama is an American citizen, and that's the end of that (Donald Trump).

- You think that having a $1,000,000 credit line with Tiffany & Co, plus nipping off for a vacation cruise to Greece qualifies as frugal (Newt Gingrich).

- You think that if you can find a service on Google, the federal government shouldn't be offering that same service (Tim Pawlenty).

- Your administration is still fuzzy on that whole warrantless search/surveillance thing (Barack Obama).

Oh, and a tip to the media? After close to a year of shoving 'inevitable Hillary' down our throats in 2008, you were wrong. I've no reason to listen to you or any of the glassy-eyed experts you front.

Now, it seems to me the country needs tending to. Perhaps someone wants to DO something about it, rather than talk about what they'll do over a year-and-a-half from now?

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