The Ministry of Shadows

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Her Name Is Ardi

Friday, Oct. 02, 2009 3:55 AM

Scientists have announced that they've found one of the oldest human skeletons to date, that of a female named 'Ardi' (short for Ardipithecus ramidus), believed to be 4.4 million years old.

That's 1 million years older than the skeleton of 'Lucy.'

Can't wait to hear the peanut butter and bananas crowd explain this one.

Late Show host David Letterman acknowledged that he had had affairs with several female members of his staff. What brought this to light was that someone tried to blackmail Letterman - threatening to expose the affairs by writing a book and making a movie on the subject. The price for silence: $2,000,000.

So Letterman, working with authorities, arranged to deliver a check for the requested amount. The blackmailer was subsequently arrested and has been identified as a producer for CBS' 48 Hours.

Gee, thanks. If you had information as to an actual crime, you sat on it and chose to blackmail someone. That reflects so well upon our company and the quality of our newsgathering. Nice job, fuckwit.

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