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Calling Dr. Strangelove

Thursday, Sept. 06, 2007 1:03 AM

Farewell, Luciano Pavarotti.

The famous Italian tenor has passed away at 71, after being diagnosed with cancer last year.

The Air Force 'accidentally' dispatched five nuclear warheads aboard a B-52 bomber during a routine transfer of weapons from Minott AFB in North Dakota to Barksdale AFB in Louisiana. The warheads were attached to advanced cruise missiles that were slated to be replaced as part of a Defense Department program.

The report came from officers who wish to remain anonymous, while a spokesperson from the Air Force secretary's office was not available for comment. Assurances were nonetheless made that the weapons were not out of Air Force control at any time, and that the crews would be disciplined for their serious oversight. (The warheads should have been checked and removed before the missiles were transported.)

All well and good. Now, for the kooky conspiracy theory du jour, because my government scares the crap out of me. Part of the Fear Parade coming out of the White House has included, at times, the 'what if they have nuclear weapons?' and 'what if they come here?'

Let's see. Five nuclear warheads that went for a walk, supposedly in Air Force custody throughout, but were nonetheless outside the system. It may sound like a plot from a bad spy thriller, but I would certainly hope that we don't have a 9/11-style incident involving a nuclear device. (Yes, that would mean the deliberate subversion of the military and a staged incident to frame terrorists and provide the impetus for moving on Iran. Nobody was supposed to notice, as the officers who provided the tip were not cleared to discuss the incident.)

(And, actually, the novel Thunderball involves two nuclear warheads going walkabout during a routine NATO training flight.)

And Whoopi Goldberg made her debut on ABC's The View with the suggestion that y'all should cut Michael Vick some slack because 'dogfighting is a cultural thing in the South.'

Oh, please.

Fred Thompson has hasn't has hasn't has made his candidacy official, announcing it on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

So now the top runners in the Republican race include a former District Attorney and a guy who played one on TV.

Quick, someone tell Hillary to spend a night at a Holiday Inn Express!

And in another revelation from Robert Draper's upcoming book about Mr. Bush, apparently, Bush believed Saddam had WMD's through April 2006, despite his public acknowledgement to the contrary.

The verdict of history? Bush is an idiot.

But wait, there's more!

Mr. Bush proudly told Australian Deputy Prime Minister Mark Vaile that 'we're kicking ass' in Iraq.

Sorry, in my book, losing 1000 soldiers a year is not 'kicking ass.'

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