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Wookiee Rampage in Hollywood

Saturday, Feb. 03, 2007 7:07 AM

A man dressed in a Chewbacca costume was arrested for head-butting a tour guide who told the would-be Wookiee not to bother the tourists in his charge ��specifically, not to ask them for money.

A reporter for KABC noted, "Now we want to make clear that this is not the actor who played Chewbacca in the movie, this is just they guy who plays him on the Hollywood Boulevard."

I guess he was worried about a child asking, "Mommy, why are the police arresting Chewie?"

Charles Stimson, until recently the Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Detainee Affairs, resigned his position on Friday.

Stimson claimed his departure was because of the controversy over statements he'd made during a radio interview on January 11, which included implications that firms were not doing pro bono work, but instead being paid by unknown parties, and that American corporations should consider taking their legal business to firms that do not represent suspected terrorists.

Stimson apologized several days later, explaining that his remarks did not reflect his core values.

"He (Stimson) believed it hampered his ability to be effective in this position," a Defense Department spokesman said.

On Tuesday, two young women in Penngrove, California get into a fight. The fight ends with both women driving away. The older woman drives to her boyfriend's home; en route, she calls her boyfriend to let him know she's on her way. The younger woman, 17-year old Vanessa Chavez, follows her. Chavez' boyfriend, 19-year Jay Borg, follows his girlfriend.

Still with me?

When Chavez pulls up at the home of the other woman's boyfriend, said boyfriend comes out and starts hitting Chavez' car with a baseball bat. Jay Borg, not to be outdone, decides to race up and skid his truck into the side of his girlfriend's car, hitting the other man.

Later that afternoon, Jay Borg argues with his brother, Tyler, about his involvement in the argument and hitting 24-year old Brandon Stegner with his truck. As Jay is driving off, his brother lobs an 18 pound rock through the back window.

It hits Vanessa Chavez in the head. She's hospitalized and in critical condition.

Tyler, showing the same intellectual prowess as his younger brother, claims he'd intended the rock to land in the bed of the truck. He was been booked into the county jail on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon, and released on $20,000 bail.

And showing where the boys got their astounding intellects, their father, John Borg, was also arrested for allegedly interfering with police and telling his sons not to cooperate with them.

But, get this ��no arrests have been made. (Probably because the District Attorney doesn't know where to start.)

I would think that Brandon Stegner qualifies for assault and battery, Jay Borg gets the nod for assault with a deadly weapon (vehicular manslaughter), Tyler Borg gets the same for not keeping his pet rock on a leash, and Daddy Borg gets interfering with police officers. The young women, provided Chavez survives, could also be up for a round of assault and battery.

Oh, and regarding May Zhou, the Stanford student who was found dead in the trunk of her car � a police spokesperson had commented that the crime scene was 'consistent with suicide'.

Uh-huh. Right. She popped herself into the trunk after killing herself.

The only way I can see that happening is for Zhou to have taken a lethal overdose of sleeping meds, then locking herself in the trunk of her car to avoid being found. Or perhaps she found a way to funnel her car's exhaust into the trunk, and no one noticed a car with its engine running, but no driver.

The police are waiting for lab results.

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