The Gospel of Judas & An Epistle of Weasels?

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Researchers have announced the discovery of a manuscript that could be the gospel of someone you might not expect: Judas Iscariot.

The 1,700-year-old document has been extensively tested and experts believe it to be authentic. However, no one's rushing to amend the Bible as it stands, as the 25-page work is believed to be one of several texts written by Gnostics, often set apart from mainstream Christianity. (The Gnostic Gospel of the Apostle Thomas was first printed in 1959.)

But the 'Gospel of Judas,' which suggests Judas' actions were at Christ's own request, certainly raises some interesting historical questions about the role of the apostle remembered solely as Christ's betrayer.

And other researchers have come up with a seemingly unusual explanation for the story of Christ walking on water.

He was walking on a sheet of ice.

Doron Nof, an Israel-born oceanographer, only says that climatological data supports the possibility, and, therefore, it could have happened.

This isn't the first time Nof has looked askance at a Biblical miracle; in 1992, he was co-author of an article that suggested Moses' parting of the Red Sea was nothing more than strong winds.

However, if Christ were truly walking on a floating sheet of ice, it seems odd that he would invite Peter to hop out of the boat and join him, then berate the poor man for his shortcomings in the faith department.

Other researchers suggest that the accounts of Christ's walking across has symbolic meaning, usurping the traditional Roman imagery of mastery over the sea.

Surprise! In testimony before the House Judiciary Committee on Thursday, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has suggested the president's theoretical powers could also apply to wiretaps between parties entirely within the United States.

Mindful of our civil liberties, my ass.

It's time for Congress to wake up and denounce this blatant abuse and disregard for the Constitution of the United States. Gonzales has just put us on notice that the Fourth Amendment is being suspended on presidential whim, through a reduction in the standard of proof done outside the law.

Warrantless wiretaps are illegal.

And if you haven't gotten that Bush is a certified idiot, try this one on for size. In a town-hall meeting in North Carolina, Mr. Bush acknowledged there had been problems with the 'tactics' used in Iraq.

"Obviously, one classic case that hurts us that I wish was done differently was Abu Ghraib," Bush said.

Abu Ghraib was a tactic?

That would mean, of course, that it was ordered and originates further up the chain of command, rather than being vested in the convenient scapegoats of soldiers like PFC Lynndie England.

Perhaps it originates with attorneys like John Yoo and Alberto Gonzales, who are busy drafting memos about torture and wiretapping. Or with Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who perhaps confused waterboarding with surfing.

Bush nonetheless repeated Rumsfeld's weak line that, "Every war plan is great, until you meet the enemy."

And the weaker your plan is, the more things there are that go wrong.

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