The Ministry of Shadows

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Apathy, Disbelief, & Fear

Wednesday, Nov. 22, 2006 12:20 PM


I'd like to know why, exactly, that when people in America are assaulted every day, when their possessions are taken with or without their knowledge, that it's such a big honking deal that one of President Bush's daughters may have had her purse and cell phone stolen.


Would someone please tell David Blaine to stop abusing himself in public? The magician, who has previously attempted stunts like standing motionless on a platform in mid-air, being frozen alive, and being buried alive, has now strapped himself to a giant set of gimbals in Times Square. (As with previous spectacles, Blaine has apparently decided a demonstration of superior endurance qualifies as magic. It should be noted that he has been hospitalized after at least one of his stunts.)


It wasn't a confession, it was a chance for O.J.'s kids, "... to get their financial legacy."

O.J. also claims the advance was less than the $3.5 million being claimed, and that – comment stupéfiant – it's already been spent!


Not only were six imams tossed off a U.S. Airways flight for praying, the airline subsequently refused to sell him tickets on another flight so he could return home.

Witnesses are claiming the men were spouting anti-American rhetoric, talking about the war in Iraq and Saddam Hussein, and speaking Allah's name aloud. (Note that no particular statement was quoted. What did these men say, again?)

But obviously, they're terrorists, because We All Know that terrorists hate America, love Saddam, and run around chanting Allah's name, right?

Even worse, once they were aboard the plane, gasp – they didn't sit next to each other! (Attention, passengers, the captain has turned on the All Muslims Must Sit Together light …)

Readers may recall a story some months back where a Hindu-speaking passenger was taken off a plane for saying "Allah" – and it turned out to be a colloquialism that only sounded like "Allah." And, frankly, would we arrest someone for saying, "oh my god" or any other variation that finds its way into American speech?



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